The days past somewhat quickly after that.
The boy was wrapping up things in Adelaide and the girl was busy saving lives.
Amongst all this the busy pair will found time to talk on line at nights, mostly on msn.
The boy would make up lame excuses to stay up, the girl would oblige with asking for just 5 mins more of his time.
This was all building up to a long planned trip to Sydney for the girl to see her visiting family.
The told himself he wasn't going to miss her, that he had plans of his own, life was to return to its happy equlibrium....
but miss her he did...
He got a text telling him he was precious. It made his whole day.
The girl had made plans to see the phantom of the opera, and he sang the first verse of the music of the night to her.
That made her smile.
Until it was after the musical.
The boy was having dinner with a friend.
When the girl rang up to tell him.
She was thinking about him all the time. And she didn't like it.
She felt compressed and stressed out.
She told him to leave her alone.
The boy went back to his dinner and order sake.
He spent the rest of the dinner drinking the warm brew trying to drown those stinging words.
~~~
The next morning he pulled himself into a conference room and called her.
her cheery voice picked up the phone Good morning!
Once again, like nothing had happened.
Look, I've been thinking about what you said last night, and I went through my conduct for the last weeks and really don' t think I've done anything wrong.
I've given you as much space as you need and wanted, I've done everything you've requested and more. I think you'll agree that's a fair statement?
The Girl mumbles an apology of sorts... and the conversation carries on for a little while.
The boy puts the phone down, wondering if he how many more times he would have to go through something like this.
~~~
That night the boy had gone night shopping and was driving home when the phone buzzed... a text was received.
The girl was compressed... there was family conflict in sydney and she was upset.
He pulled the car over and tried to call her.
She messaged him telling him to go away.
He left her a massage on her voice mail, singing to her that God was able.
He went home that night feeling like she had gone away to a far far place and was not going to be coming back.
The boy cried out to his God, pleading that the girl would return.
Once again, he felt that she had slipped away from him.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Maybe ...- by her
So, after the house inspection, after the birthday drink at chocolate bean, after the confession...
He came to her after his birthday dinner with his younger friends, and it was way past her bedtime. She was wearing her glasses and PJs.
She let him stay on . He was sitting on the blue gym ball in her room. She can't recall the content of their conversation. No, it wasn't really a conversation. More like a one sided babble from him.
He lost his train of thoughts. He said he couldn't talk straight anymore. And half the times he would not look at her at all.
She just smiled and nodded along with his babble... maybe he could tell how hard she was guarding herself. As usual, she let her friends talk, and she listens. Ocassionally she say something about herself.
But no. She would not let him in her world. Her world in her mindscape was a huuuugggeee secret garden with unreachable ends. And in there, was her and God. She guarded her secret garden with thick and tall walls.
She took pride in that secret garden that she built over the years. She didnt care if no one understand her world. Afterall, it was not meant to be understood.
He must not come in.
- - - - - -
The next day.
To buy or not to buy the house? It was indeed a very very difficult decision to make.
Having had no experience at all, she desperately needed honest and constructive opinions , and maybe some guidance. He seemed to be the best choice at that moment.
She went back and forth, dropped the idea and picked it up again. Not a paper work person herself, she found it extremely frustrating and intensely stressful having had to make hundreds of phone calls to the relevant authorities.
It was not an easy decision to make.
He was there. He said something as simple as 'pray' . She has always been the one giving advice and encouragement to the others. For the first time, this boy came in to the situation and reminded her the sovereignty of God.
' He is different..'
She finally decided to put in an offer for the house. She went to the agent's office, never expected to hear what she heard.
'Oh your friend Kevin has already rung and asked me to prepare this and that documents for you.'
She signed the documents. She's done her part, and trusted that God would open or close the door if He willing.
She came home, curled up like a ball in her favourite corner of the room, and began to cry.
No one has stepped out and done this for her. Not a man. She has been trained to be strong because she had to be strong, and she took pride in her strength and independence. Maybe the men in the past were intimidated by her for she never let anyone do anything for her.
For the very first time, she realised she was very tired of attempting to be both man and woman herself.
Maybe it is a good idea to have a man in her life...Maybe he is not like the rest..
He came to her after his birthday dinner with his younger friends, and it was way past her bedtime. She was wearing her glasses and PJs.
She let him stay on . He was sitting on the blue gym ball in her room. She can't recall the content of their conversation. No, it wasn't really a conversation. More like a one sided babble from him.
He lost his train of thoughts. He said he couldn't talk straight anymore. And half the times he would not look at her at all.
She just smiled and nodded along with his babble... maybe he could tell how hard she was guarding herself. As usual, she let her friends talk, and she listens. Ocassionally she say something about herself.
But no. She would not let him in her world. Her world in her mindscape was a huuuugggeee secret garden with unreachable ends. And in there, was her and God. She guarded her secret garden with thick and tall walls.
She took pride in that secret garden that she built over the years. She didnt care if no one understand her world. Afterall, it was not meant to be understood.
He must not come in.
- - - - - -
The next day.
To buy or not to buy the house? It was indeed a very very difficult decision to make.
Having had no experience at all, she desperately needed honest and constructive opinions , and maybe some guidance. He seemed to be the best choice at that moment.
She went back and forth, dropped the idea and picked it up again. Not a paper work person herself, she found it extremely frustrating and intensely stressful having had to make hundreds of phone calls to the relevant authorities.
It was not an easy decision to make.
He was there. He said something as simple as 'pray' . She has always been the one giving advice and encouragement to the others. For the first time, this boy came in to the situation and reminded her the sovereignty of God.
' He is different..'
She finally decided to put in an offer for the house. She went to the agent's office, never expected to hear what she heard.
'Oh your friend Kevin has already rung and asked me to prepare this and that documents for you.'
She signed the documents. She's done her part, and trusted that God would open or close the door if He willing.
She came home, curled up like a ball in her favourite corner of the room, and began to cry.
No one has stepped out and done this for her. Not a man. She has been trained to be strong because she had to be strong, and she took pride in her strength and independence. Maybe the men in the past were intimidated by her for she never let anyone do anything for her.
For the very first time, she realised she was very tired of attempting to be both man and woman herself.
Maybe it is a good idea to have a man in her life...Maybe he is not like the rest..
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Running hills - by him
Post birthday, post house.
They had had a ew late night chats, he had made her dinner, hosted (almost co-organized?) a gathering of their friends at his house and even made a batch of scones on super short notice to make her happy.
One morning she sms'ed him tell him he was precious.
it made his whole day.
Things it seemed was looking good for the boy and the girl...
until...
~~~
The girl had (has) a heater in her room, its one of those radiant bar heaters, it sits on carpet and there is a constant flow of jumpers thrown across the chair that sits close to it.
The boy was worried about it being a fire hazard, so he had sourced a ceremic heater for the girl.
In fact, he had sourced 2, worried that she would not like the design of any one of them.
He whisked past on a sunday morn, intending to just drop the new warmth makers off and head off.
The girl had just come back from a night shift and was about to tuck herself into bed when he arrived.
She invited him in and he sat on the blue ball and talked for 10, 20, 30, 60,90 mins.
Sometime in the conversation, the girl mentioned that it would be nice for him to meet her parents eventually, that he would surely get on well with her mom. And that there was a certain mentor she would have liked him to meet if he was to progress further with her.
*whoa... slow down lady* he remembers thinking, one night you're saying THIS is nothing and now you're talking about meeting the mom...?
If there was one thing he was afraid of and couldn't stand, it was a woman that gave out mixed signals....
And meeting mentors?...there was a whole legacy issue with him and being parading around and judged by a multitude of external parties before being accepted...
He remembers mentioning something along he lines of, "Hey, if there's one thing i really hate its being left in a room with people to judge and critique me before being excepted..."
conversation stumbled past that point and eventually the girl went to bed for her beauty sleep.
The boy left to join his friends for lunch.
an sms arrived just after he had ordered his meal... it chilled his heart.
It read simply,
Too fast.freaked out...sorry,vry blunt.
he made a poorly worded excuse, something about work, and ran from the restaurant to her house.
He remembers messaging back,
am running over now.
pls don't run.
She eventually answered the door, moving out to join the same lunch he had just left.
She acted like nothing had happened... it made the boy's heart hurt.
Silence walking to the restaurant,
finally she said,
Can we just go back to being friends? I really don't want a boyfriend now.
He was confused,
I thought that's what we were, just friends getting to know each other?
I don't want a girlfriend now either...
But what I do want, is to get to know you better. So I am going to ask again.
Could I please make trips back to spend time with you to get to know you better?
a long elongated silence.
yes, i would like you to still.
I'm sorry, I guess i'm just tired.
can we forget that this episode happened and just go back to the plan?
he left her to have lunch with their friends and went off to think.
Sitting at the corner of his favourite pub, he was nursing his heart and confused mind.
"Just walk away man! She unstable and will hurt you." he thought, "One moment you're precious and the next you're dirt!"
He took a long swallow of his beer and pulled out a note book.
Angry and hurt, he wrote a letter.
it was supposed to say,
" Look, you're wonderful, but I've been hurt before and frankly you're just a little too unstable for me to feel safe. thanks but no thanks."
Except that when he had finished the letter, all it said was,
"Look, you're afraid and I'm afraid, but all we're doing is getting to know each other.
Relax, lets take things slowly and just go with the flow (or something to that effect)"
~~~
He showed her the letter,
she read it, and nodded her head.
He wasn't sure how she felt,
but he walked away believing once again, that this girl, this girl he could never have.
~~~
They had had a ew late night chats, he had made her dinner, hosted (almost co-organized?) a gathering of their friends at his house and even made a batch of scones on super short notice to make her happy.
One morning she sms'ed him tell him he was precious.
it made his whole day.
Things it seemed was looking good for the boy and the girl...
until...
~~~
The girl had (has) a heater in her room, its one of those radiant bar heaters, it sits on carpet and there is a constant flow of jumpers thrown across the chair that sits close to it.
The boy was worried about it being a fire hazard, so he had sourced a ceremic heater for the girl.
In fact, he had sourced 2, worried that she would not like the design of any one of them.
He whisked past on a sunday morn, intending to just drop the new warmth makers off and head off.
The girl had just come back from a night shift and was about to tuck herself into bed when he arrived.
She invited him in and he sat on the blue ball and talked for 10, 20, 30, 60,90 mins.
Sometime in the conversation, the girl mentioned that it would be nice for him to meet her parents eventually, that he would surely get on well with her mom. And that there was a certain mentor she would have liked him to meet if he was to progress further with her.
*whoa... slow down lady* he remembers thinking, one night you're saying THIS is nothing and now you're talking about meeting the mom...?
If there was one thing he was afraid of and couldn't stand, it was a woman that gave out mixed signals....
And meeting mentors?...there was a whole legacy issue with him and being parading around and judged by a multitude of external parties before being accepted...
He remembers mentioning something along he lines of, "Hey, if there's one thing i really hate its being left in a room with people to judge and critique me before being excepted..."
conversation stumbled past that point and eventually the girl went to bed for her beauty sleep.
The boy left to join his friends for lunch.
an sms arrived just after he had ordered his meal... it chilled his heart.
It read simply,
Too fast.freaked out...sorry,vry blunt.
he made a poorly worded excuse, something about work, and ran from the restaurant to her house.
He remembers messaging back,
am running over now.
pls don't run.
She eventually answered the door, moving out to join the same lunch he had just left.
She acted like nothing had happened... it made the boy's heart hurt.
Silence walking to the restaurant,
finally she said,
Can we just go back to being friends? I really don't want a boyfriend now.
He was confused,
I thought that's what we were, just friends getting to know each other?
I don't want a girlfriend now either...
But what I do want, is to get to know you better. So I am going to ask again.
Could I please make trips back to spend time with you to get to know you better?
a long elongated silence.
yes, i would like you to still.
I'm sorry, I guess i'm just tired.
can we forget that this episode happened and just go back to the plan?
he left her to have lunch with their friends and went off to think.
Sitting at the corner of his favourite pub, he was nursing his heart and confused mind.
"Just walk away man! She unstable and will hurt you." he thought, "One moment you're precious and the next you're dirt!"
He took a long swallow of his beer and pulled out a note book.
Angry and hurt, he wrote a letter.
it was supposed to say,
" Look, you're wonderful, but I've been hurt before and frankly you're just a little too unstable for me to feel safe. thanks but no thanks."
Except that when he had finished the letter, all it said was,
"Look, you're afraid and I'm afraid, but all we're doing is getting to know each other.
Relax, lets take things slowly and just go with the flow (or something to that effect)"
~~~
He showed her the letter,
she read it, and nodded her head.
He wasn't sure how she felt,
but he walked away believing once again, that this girl, this girl he could never have.
~~~
Burning bridges - by him
He went home from the night of tired but elated, surprised but unsure what had just happened.
"Nothing has happened..." she had reminded him in an almost stern tone.
Hadn't it?... he thought, just a little more than a bit confused.
Oh well... there's a small chance where before there was none, he told himself as he set aside a somewhat large amount of resources in his head for the monthly flights back.
Ironically, it was just about the amount of the pay increase he had fought for in the new job.
Money is meant to be spent, told the boy to himself as he penned the secret budget in his head.
Then the phone buzzed... announcing the arrival of an sms,
Hey, happy belated b'day.
Still on for dinner tomorrow night?
!!! He had completely forgotten he had made dinner plans with Jata...
the boy pondered for a good 5 seconds and then made an important decision, then turning off the lights he tried to catch some sleep.
~~~
The dinner was good, the company and conversation decent.
He had delayed it as long as he could... he just wasn't very good at some things... most things.
So, about the whole "us" and getting to know each other thing... he started (or something along those lines)
Conversation limped across for the rest of the night, each party lying about how it was better this way and the friendship would still be maintained.
He remembers turning back on the smoking bridge and walking back to his car, knowing deep down he had done the right thing.
~~~
"Nothing has happened..." she had reminded him in an almost stern tone.
Hadn't it?... he thought, just a little more than a bit confused.
Oh well... there's a small chance where before there was none, he told himself as he set aside a somewhat large amount of resources in his head for the monthly flights back.
Ironically, it was just about the amount of the pay increase he had fought for in the new job.
Money is meant to be spent, told the boy to himself as he penned the secret budget in his head.
Then the phone buzzed... announcing the arrival of an sms,
Hey, happy belated b'day.
Still on for dinner tomorrow night?
!!! He had completely forgotten he had made dinner plans with Jata...
the boy pondered for a good 5 seconds and then made an important decision, then turning off the lights he tried to catch some sleep.
~~~
The dinner was good, the company and conversation decent.
He had delayed it as long as he could... he just wasn't very good at some things... most things.
So, about the whole "us" and getting to know each other thing... he started (or something along those lines)
Conversation limped across for the rest of the night, each party lying about how it was better this way and the friendship would still be maintained.
He remembers turning back on the smoking bridge and walking back to his car, knowing deep down he had done the right thing.
~~~
Chocolate bean - by her
So it was a wonderful evening spent with him at the chocolate place.
He told her a story of a princess, a jester knight, and the Sun. She remembers she was engrossed in the story and his beautiful English accent. Suddenly he was a different person. The man who was somewhat cold to her,who wore a beanie and hoodie, who told her a story, who spoke in a foreign accent, became alive and attractive.
It was to his (and her) surprise that she confessed to him about her admiration.
But deep down inside she wasn't very sure if she did the right thing. Áfter all, she was not keen to go into a relationship, she had been by herself for quite some time.
She came out of a relationship 18 months ago, and now she enjoyed her singlehood very much. Life was good. Just her and herself, and God, and her career, her friends, her hobby, her freedom....no, she didnt want a boyfriend.
But yes, she wanted to let him know what she felt. It was kinda fun to watch his reaction.
She let herself indulge in the secret pleasure she found in his pursuit.
Boys came and left, and she didn't have the faith that he would do it differently.
' Silly boy, let's see how long you will stay ,' she thought.
But her secret pleasure quickly turn into guilt.
' What if he gets hurt at the end? What if he takes it too seriously?' Afterall, she didnt really want to have anything to do with him.
'Ermmm...I know I just told you about my feelings for you. But ...please don't misunderstand me, I don't want a relationship at all, and we are just friends. Nothing has happened, k?',
as though her behaviour was justified by popping his bubble.
That was a long but beautiful night. They stayed on, 7pm, 730pm,8pm,815pm...
He told her a story of a princess, a jester knight, and the Sun. She remembers she was engrossed in the story and his beautiful English accent. Suddenly he was a different person. The man who was somewhat cold to her,who wore a beanie and hoodie, who told her a story, who spoke in a foreign accent, became alive and attractive.
It was to his (and her) surprise that she confessed to him about her admiration.
But deep down inside she wasn't very sure if she did the right thing. Áfter all, she was not keen to go into a relationship, she had been by herself for quite some time.
She came out of a relationship 18 months ago, and now she enjoyed her singlehood very much. Life was good. Just her and herself, and God, and her career, her friends, her hobby, her freedom....no, she didnt want a boyfriend.
But yes, she wanted to let him know what she felt. It was kinda fun to watch his reaction.
She let herself indulge in the secret pleasure she found in his pursuit.
Boys came and left, and she didn't have the faith that he would do it differently.
' Silly boy, let's see how long you will stay ,' she thought.
But her secret pleasure quickly turn into guilt.
' What if he gets hurt at the end? What if he takes it too seriously?' Afterall, she didnt really want to have anything to do with him.
'Ermmm...I know I just told you about my feelings for you. But ...please don't misunderstand me, I don't want a relationship at all, and we are just friends. Nothing has happened, k?',
as though her behaviour was justified by popping his bubble.
That was a long but beautiful night. They stayed on, 7pm, 730pm,8pm,815pm...
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Due Diligence
For days after that faithful birth day, I remember floating on cloud nine.
But there was work to be done...
The girl was interested in the little apartment and was busy at work saving lives.
In my sunset days at the shipbuilder, I was more than happy to organize things for her.
I put my Project manager's hat on and did all the standard stuff, ringing the agents, preparing the paper work and ensuring that Dr. Girl wouldn't need to be too distracted from her work.
It was also, a perfect excuse to keep in constant and regular contact with her... allowing me to drop in to "discuss the house" and have long chats.
A day later and Dr Girl was readying for a a night shift, she had done all the ground work and much to my surprise had launched an offer in.
Pray! I remember telling her, not knowing what else to say after having given my best advise that she should let this house go and wait for a better time.
I remember being so proud of her and so proud to have been part of that process.
I remember asking her if she'd let me fly over to help her paint the house, to help pick out tiles and a new kitchen.
I think she said yes.
I remember putting the phone down on that call, and then walking over to organize contractors with a colleague in the know, all the while picturing a boy and a girl painting a house together and smiling as they did. :)
But there was work to be done...
The girl was interested in the little apartment and was busy at work saving lives.
In my sunset days at the shipbuilder, I was more than happy to organize things for her.
I put my Project manager's hat on and did all the standard stuff, ringing the agents, preparing the paper work and ensuring that Dr. Girl wouldn't need to be too distracted from her work.
It was also, a perfect excuse to keep in constant and regular contact with her... allowing me to drop in to "discuss the house" and have long chats.
A day later and Dr Girl was readying for a a night shift, she had done all the ground work and much to my surprise had launched an offer in.
Pray! I remember telling her, not knowing what else to say after having given my best advise that she should let this house go and wait for a better time.
I remember being so proud of her and so proud to have been part of that process.
I remember asking her if she'd let me fly over to help her paint the house, to help pick out tiles and a new kitchen.
I think she said yes.
I remember putting the phone down on that call, and then walking over to organize contractors with a colleague in the know, all the while picturing a boy and a girl painting a house together and smiling as they did. :)
Friday, September 12, 2008
Single bullet? - by her
After the cooling period, after the dinner at friend's place , after hearing her stories.... they resumed regular contact....there was still a noticeable distance between them.
It was his birthday...
She knew it was his birthday. And it was also her off day. But she went for a movie with her buddy, because she wasn't really really keen to drop him any hint at all. So she was still rather cold towards him.
But he was still very kind to her. On his birthday, he went with her to inspect a house that she would potentially buy.
As she drove closer to the house at the appointed time, she saw a man wearing a hoodie jumper and a very nice beanie, slowly wandering around the neighbourhood.
It was him.
He looked very different in his jumper and beanie. He looked great.
For the first time.....her heart was jumping. She suddenly became a lil nervous.
... why?.....
So....the house. It was great. A tiny 2 bedroom unit in a prestigous area. She realised he was the one who did all the talking and enquiry to the agent... whereas she was curious and excited like a kid, touching each corner, imagining herself live in there.
She was impressed with how much he knew.
' So... it's your birthday, and I feel kinda bad for making you do this on your birthday....would you like a drink before your dinner?'
She made invitation for the first time.
---
It was a very nice lil chocolate place in town.
He told her one story...followed by another story. She was engrossed by the stories.
'Did you make these stories?' , she asked.
'The first one no, the second one yes,' he said.
No one has ever told her stories in her adulthood. She has not known of anyone who writes stories...
- - - -
Then he finished his stories.... (he looked great in his beanie and jumper...for the first time she studied his face, she realised he'd had great features...)
....silence....
'I am very glad that you like and you understand my stories...you get me. To be honest I feel that we are connected in someway...and I am attracted to you...but I've never told you about it.'
(These might not be the exact words that he used but he meant it this way)
' Why not?' she asked. The exact words.
He was stunned by her response.
'...erm...because I've always thought it was just on my side...so...did you mean, there's also something on the other side of the fence?'
She heard herself saying, ' I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. '
His eyes were wide open, he dropped his jaw, he took a deep breath, he was speechless, he was smiling.......
It was his birthday...
She knew it was his birthday. And it was also her off day. But she went for a movie with her buddy, because she wasn't really really keen to drop him any hint at all. So she was still rather cold towards him.
But he was still very kind to her. On his birthday, he went with her to inspect a house that she would potentially buy.
As she drove closer to the house at the appointed time, she saw a man wearing a hoodie jumper and a very nice beanie, slowly wandering around the neighbourhood.
It was him.
He looked very different in his jumper and beanie. He looked great.
For the first time.....her heart was jumping. She suddenly became a lil nervous.
... why?.....
So....the house. It was great. A tiny 2 bedroom unit in a prestigous area. She realised he was the one who did all the talking and enquiry to the agent... whereas she was curious and excited like a kid, touching each corner, imagining herself live in there.
She was impressed with how much he knew.
' So... it's your birthday, and I feel kinda bad for making you do this on your birthday....would you like a drink before your dinner?'
She made invitation for the first time.
---
It was a very nice lil chocolate place in town.
He told her one story...followed by another story. She was engrossed by the stories.
'Did you make these stories?' , she asked.
'The first one no, the second one yes,' he said.
No one has ever told her stories in her adulthood. She has not known of anyone who writes stories...
- - - -
Then he finished his stories.... (he looked great in his beanie and jumper...for the first time she studied his face, she realised he'd had great features...)
....silence....
'I am very glad that you like and you understand my stories...you get me. To be honest I feel that we are connected in someway...and I am attracted to you...but I've never told you about it.'
(These might not be the exact words that he used but he meant it this way)
' Why not?' she asked. The exact words.
He was stunned by her response.
'...erm...because I've always thought it was just on my side...so...did you mean, there's also something on the other side of the fence?'
She heard herself saying, ' I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. '
His eyes were wide open, he dropped his jaw, he took a deep breath, he was speechless, he was smiling.......
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