Maybe ...- by her

So, after the house inspection, after the birthday drink at chocolate bean, after the confession...

He came to her after his birthday dinner with his younger friends, and it was way past her bedtime. She was wearing her glasses and PJs.

She let him stay on . He was sitting on the blue gym ball in her room. She can't recall the content of their conversation. No, it wasn't really a conversation. More like a one sided babble from him.

He lost his train of thoughts. He said he couldn't talk straight anymore. And half the times he would not look at her at all.

She just smiled and nodded along with his babble... maybe he could tell how hard she was guarding herself. As usual, she let her friends talk, and she listens. Ocassionally she say something about herself.

But no. She would not let him in her world. Her world in her mindscape was a huuuugggeee secret garden with unreachable ends. And in there, was her and God. She guarded her secret garden with thick and tall walls.

She took pride in that secret garden that she built over the years. She didnt care if no one understand her world. Afterall, it was not meant to be understood.

He must not come in.

- - - - - -

The next day.

To buy or not to buy the house? It was indeed a very very difficult decision to make.

Having had no experience at all, she desperately needed honest and constructive opinions , and maybe some guidance. He seemed to be the best choice at that moment.

She went back and forth, dropped the idea and picked it up again. Not a paper work person herself, she found it extremely frustrating and intensely stressful having had to make hundreds of phone calls to the relevant authorities.

It was not an easy decision to make.

He was there. He said something as simple as 'pray' . She has always been the one giving advice and encouragement to the others. For the first time, this boy came in to the situation and reminded her the sovereignty of God.

' He is different..'

She finally decided to put in an offer for the house. She went to the agent's office, never expected to hear what she heard.

'Oh your friend Kevin has already rung and asked me to prepare this and that documents for you.'


She signed the documents. She's done her part, and trusted that God would open or close the door if He willing.

She came home, curled up like a ball in her favourite corner of the room, and began to cry.

No one has stepped out and done this for her. Not a man. She has been trained to be strong because she had to be strong, and she took pride in her strength and independence. Maybe the men in the past were intimidated by her for she never let anyone do anything for her.

For the very first time, she realised she was very tired of attempting to be both man and woman herself.

Maybe it is a good idea to have a man in her life...Maybe he is not like the rest..