One single bullet...

There were a few other stories in between this one and the last.

Indeed neither of us can accurately place the time line anymore.

There was an evning when I had made wayyy too much pandan chicken and had prepared a pack for the dr. girl to pick up. Tired from work and cooking I had literally meant "drop by and pick up" to my surprise she turned up with an outspoken friend and proceeded to stay for the better part of an hour combing through my belongings and questioning bits and pieces of me decor...

Highlight of the evening was when I started to explain how she should prepare the dish.

So you lay all the pieces out and bake them for about 20 mins on 180 degrees. Alternatively you can pan fry them...

Oh don't worry about all that she replied, I'll just microwave them... I cook all my food in the microwave.

stunned silence from the boy...

There's another story, on how the girl got sick again, and this time the boy sent over ginger, coke & more chinese herbal teas. I think she appreciated that.

Or even the time, when the boy first glimsped her dark and fragmented past and felt his heart bleed for her. The beginnings of an open wound that still aches this very moment and flares up in a dark seething rage if he thinks too hard.

No, there's a bunch of smaller stories which we can't really place but are so precious to us.

But this one, this one is one of our milestones.

This one I call one single bullet.
~
One Single Bullet

~~~

It was my birthday and I had taken the day off, in fact, i was coming off a long weekend already

(
it was the mummy adelaide inspection which brought with it hints of its own...

That Dr girl was nice hmm?
Yes mom...
That Dr girl seemed really nice, you should be nice to her.
Yes mom... o_O'''
)

Regardless of which, it was my birthday. The Dr girl and I had briefly spoken on the possibility of seeing a movie that morning. Not being a morning person I told her we'd play by ear and left it at that. She had made an appointment with me later that afternoon to help view a little place in St. Peters a few days earlier (not knowing it was my b'day when she made the appiontment) so I was quite content to let things drift.

I had planned for a massage, a movie myself, some shopping, a nice dinner with my younger friends and then home for a quiet wine and another solitary salute to another year gone by.

I rang her about 10amish, wondering if she was still keen on that movie

Hey, I actually made plans to see it with a friend... maybe next time?

"Whatever... I told myself" this was probably the 3rd time I had heard "next time" regarding a movie so I wasn't too fussed, at the back of my head weighing in the largish possiblity that she was on a date anyway.

So I pulled on my shiny new b'day presents (Havard hoodie and Yale beanie!) went to have a meat filled lunch and decided to catch that movie (mongol, the gengis khan saga!) myself anyway.

The afternoon flitted away and it was almost time for house viewing, as standard procedure for viewing houses, I got there 10 mins early to suss the place out. Walk around the neighbourhood and evaluate the structure.

She found me as I was crossing the street, I waved as she drove past in the purple monster.
"Oh well," I told myself, "at least she had the decency not to turn up with the wanker she saw the movie with."

We went into the house, and I put my bestest PM hat on. Giving her my evaluation of the house and its surrounds. I remember asking the agent for the Form 1's (section 32's for you victorians) and being surprised how english I sounded and how authoritative a tone I took.

She thanked me for my help and then apologised realizing it was my b'day. Let me buy you a cup of coffee to make up for it? she said.

Sure why not? I had time to burn before my dinner, I suppose I could do another interviewesk conversation...

I remember suggesting the chocolate shop in the alley and she needing directions there.

I remember being stiff and cold inside, not being sure what to make of this (surely) my last solo conversation with her.

The drinks arrived and I remember a friend's voice telling me "Surely if you told her your stories, she would notice you.".

"Would you like to hear a story?", I heard myself mumble. Sure.

I was staring at the floor, not looking at her pretty face. I was struggling to remember a single story, any one would do.

My mind was flexing in her presence and coming up empty... nothing was coming up. The moments were slipping by and she was growing impatient.

"Once there was a young soldier..." I began, this story I spun out of my life, this story called "Triage"

It was a painful one and one I had never told, It spoke of the guilt of a young commander, and part of what weighed on his heart from those days. I'm surprised I told it.

I remember not making eye contact throughout the story. And then looking up to find that she was captivated.

Was it a true story then? she enquired with somewhat awe in her voice. I think i remember nodding.

I had lapsed into silence again, pondering the possiblity that she actaully did enjoy the tale.

So I spun another one,
"Are you a sun or a moon person" Sun ... i'm solar powered! she replied with a smile. So I told a tale spun from something older in my mind, of a princess who sought the sun and the kindly boy who finally gave it to her. I told it as a concept more than a tale. That would come later.

At the end of the 2nd story I could tell she was truely pleased with my performance, and a joy filled my heart.

Looking back on the floor again a little voice inside my head shouted its now or never boy, speak and never ask "what if..." and so I did.

"So, I guess you would probably have guessed that I am attracted to you, I guess I'm not a subtle man... I guess I never opened up my mouth because I believe with somethings in life, you only get one chance, one single bullet. And I guess with me leaving and all, it would be a somewhat wasted shot no?"

Well, you are right, I have known for sometime, as you have said, you are not a subtle man...

The next few lines of conversation are lost to me, but I remember that we did try to go back to "normal" conversational topics, as limber as a drunken sloth with a broken knee did that transition go.

In my mind the little voice probed once more "Just ask, one more time, I have to know..."
Opening my mouth in what seems slow motion I asked "Hey, so you now know that I'm attracted to you, but I was just wondering... if there was anything on the otherside of the fence?"

*close mouth*
*breathe... just breathe*
*wait for reply*

She wasn't making eye contact now either, just like me she had found a particularly interesting spot on the ground and was studying it for the answer to the meaning of life.

My heart and mind readied it self for the standard answer... You're very nice, but I'm not looking for anything... I see you only as a friend... I'm called for missions... etc ete etc...

and then she said

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't... couldn't you tell?

Ahh... that's when she blew me away. My mind unhinged and my wall cracked, I was like Wahh?...WOW!!!

This moment begins, my pursuit of her heart.

This was the first milestone.