Running hills - by him

Post birthday, post house.

They had had a ew late night chats, he had made her dinner, hosted (almost co-organized?) a gathering of their friends at his house and even made a batch of scones on super short notice to make her happy.

One morning she sms'ed him tell him he was precious.

it made his whole day.

Things it seemed was looking good for the boy and the girl...

until...

~~~

The girl had (has) a heater in her room, its one of those radiant bar heaters, it sits on carpet and there is a constant flow of jumpers thrown across the chair that sits close to it.

The boy was worried about it being a fire hazard, so he had sourced a ceremic heater for the girl.

In fact, he had sourced 2, worried that she would not like the design of any one of them.

He whisked past on a sunday morn, intending to just drop the new warmth makers off and head off.

The girl had just come back from a night shift and was about to tuck herself into bed when he arrived.

She invited him in and he sat on the blue ball and talked for 10, 20, 30, 60,90 mins.

Sometime in the conversation, the girl mentioned that it would be nice for him to meet her parents eventually, that he would surely get on well with her mom. And that there was a certain mentor she would have liked him to meet if he was to progress further with her.

*whoa... slow down lady* he remembers thinking, one night you're saying THIS is nothing and now you're talking about meeting the mom...?

If there was one thing he was afraid of and couldn't stand, it was a woman that gave out mixed signals....

And meeting mentors?...there was a whole legacy issue with him and being parading around and judged by a multitude of external parties before being accepted...

He remembers mentioning something along he lines of, "Hey, if there's one thing i really hate its being left in a room with people to judge and critique me before being excepted..."

conversation stumbled past that point and eventually the girl went to bed for her beauty sleep.

The boy left to join his friends for lunch.

an sms arrived just after he had ordered his meal... it chilled his heart.

It read simply,

Too fast.freaked out...sorry,vry blunt.

he made a poorly worded excuse, something about work, and ran from the restaurant to her house.

He remembers messaging back,

am running over now.

pls don't run.


She eventually answered the door, moving out to join the same lunch he had just left.
She acted like nothing had happened... it made the boy's heart hurt.

Silence walking to the restaurant,

finally she said,

Can we just go back to being friends? I really don't want a boyfriend now.

He was confused,

I thought that's what we were, just friends getting to know each other?

I don't want a girlfriend now either...

But what I do want, is to get to know you better. So I am going to ask again.

Could I please make trips back to spend time with you to get to know you better?

a long elongated silence.

yes, i would like you to still.

I'm sorry, I guess i'm just tired.

can we forget that this episode happened and just go back to the plan?

he left her to have lunch with their friends and went off to think.

Sitting at the corner of his favourite pub, he was nursing his heart and confused mind.

"Just walk away man! She unstable and will hurt you." he thought, "One moment you're precious and the next you're dirt!"

He took a long swallow of his beer and pulled out a note book.
Angry and hurt, he wrote a letter.

it was supposed to say,

" Look, you're wonderful, but I've been hurt before and frankly you're just a little too unstable for me to feel safe. thanks but no thanks."

Except that when he had finished the letter, all it said was,

"Look, you're afraid and I'm afraid, but all we're doing is getting to know each other.
Relax, lets take things slowly and just go with the flow (or something to that effect)"

~~~

He showed her the letter,

she read it, and nodded her head.

He wasn't sure how she felt,

but he walked away believing once again, that this girl, this girl he could never have.

~~~