I will go... - By Him

To the boy things were going well enough, 

asides from mroe than a few temper tantrums from the girl he was by all accounts, gaining ground at a slow but seemingly steady pace.

An idea struck with him that he would love to take this photographer girl down the great ocean road.

That he would then be able to watch her get lost in her photos as he bid adelaide goodbye.

He broached the topic with her first.

So... I was thinking of taking the great ocean road back to Melbourne and would really like a driving companion, I figured you'd enjoy the scenery and take some good shots along the way.

This was not received in the warmest of tones...

Sounds interesting, I'll think about it and have a look at my roster to see if I'm free that weekend...

The boy then set out to plan the entire move back around this yet to be confirmed trip back...

So much so that one day soon after he realized that if the girl turned him down he'd be stuck with a long and lonely drive back to melbourne solo... 

Just to cover his bases he announced at their connect group that he was recruting for drivers...

but all the while he hoped that the girl would come...

 

by her - Building Rome

The bubble was slowly thriving in the mindscape, and of course, it was the girl who graciously let him stay where he was.

Complacent and cold were the words to describe her. He said she was lazy. She hardly made any effort to get to know him at all. The poor man must be drained. Yet he would not leave, as though the girl was telling him once again, silly boy, don't go.

Her mom left. It was a cold winter night when he was sitting in the living room that he told her, 'It's ok ...take however long you want, I understand and I will wait for you. Rome was not built in one day. What I am doing now is not just to stack up a few bricks and build a room or a house. I am building an empire. '

She foolishly said,' what makes you think you are building this alone?'

He was surprised to hear this. The ice princess is buiding Rome with him? He had never even dared to imagine this!

Yes....to him, the chasing and the knocking down of the old thick fortress walls were always seemed to be done single-handedly.It had almost become habitual. Rejection was something that he had learned to live with.

Building an empire together...building Rome together... somehow she was thrilled by this.


-----


Another rainy night in winter. Another turning point.


They spent the afternoon together. Actually that wasn't quite the right word. Just that the boy had an off day that day, he followed her to run her errands.


Then they went for an arthouse film, and it became too late and the girl had to give her gym work out a miss(and she was a very grumpy girl when she missed her workout). That was the first time she 'did something for him'.


He was overjoyed, it meant another 2 hours to spend with her.


They went shopping on the Rundle. As usual, she got impatient when he was trying something on, so she left and moved on to other shops.


15 mins later she headed back to that shop just to find that he wasn't there. It was a very crowded mall on a Friday night, she thought she'd lost him. For some reason she was panic-stricken and she started looking for him frantically among the crowd. Where are you? Where are you?...


Then she saw him, standing across the crowd, looking at her, smiling . He was there the whole time, watching her find him. She walked to him ...some tears in her eyes, a smile on her face, and some warm fuzzy feeling in her heart.


No one had waited for her like that across the crowd of ppl, no one wondered where she was when she was lost, no one had smiled and looked at her with anticipation and invitation in the eyes as she walked through the crowd.


It was a cold night in winter, but for the first time, her heart was warm again.

By Her - The Spidey senses, and the Bubbles

Just before she left for Sydney....


He came over occasionally and they had a few long discussion about where this was leading.


And of course, more than once she expressed her firm belief in staying single...at least for then. But then he had been very stubborn and persistent too.


He called this the exploring phase, even though she couldnt care less.


He used a lot of spidey senses. He called that the borrowed spidey senses. Maybe God loaned them to him.


but...the chemistry started to brew when he used his spidey senses. No one was able to read her mind like he did. He seemed to understand her. Not just the superficial likes and dislikes, but he knows her to the core.


As though her secret wonderland in the mind was being intruded.


She developed this love-hate emotions with his spideysenses. She spent her whole life guarded her secret mindscape; like the Garden of Eden...Just her , herself, and God. No one knows what she thinks. No one reads her mind. No one was allowed to come in to her secret world. She indulged herself with her solitude in her secret garden, her mindscape.


Now it has been intruded. This silly man was curious about what's in her lil head.


Stupid man, how dare you... she spent her life building and guarding this secret garden.


On the other hand, she liked to watch this uninvited stranger finding his way in the secret garden, as though he was hunting for a treasure.


' Come, silly boy, come and find me...No, too close, stay right there....come now, come follow me in this garden, I will show you something... now I am hiding, come find me....'


He was right, she liked it when he read her.


He said, just like he'd had the soldier, the poet, the suit and polo T in his mind, she'd had her girls too. His very existance was like a foreign bubble which occupied a small corner of a room in her mindscape. Her girls perceived the bubble as a threat ; weapons were deployed to extinguish this foreign bubble.


But somehow the bubble survived and thrived in this hostile environment.


She called it the Blue Bubble. Somehow it was in blue. And as for her, she was a Yellow Bubble in his mindscape.


The Blue Bubble was allowed to grow bigger and bigger.


-----


Again, after she came back from Sydney with her mom and sis. July 08. They had a special dinner with the connect group.


He was unusually quiet in the dinner. Maybe he was anxious. The dinner went very well. Her mom seemed to be more enthusiastic than her about this potentially budding friendship.


Her mom's overjoyed reaction about this boy astonished her too. It meant a lot to her in her uncertainty.


The dinner was done. She helped to load some stuff into his car.


She gave him a very big smile, ' Hi, Blue Bubble!'


He smiled too, ' Hi, Yellow Bubble!'


The air was filled with laughter and joy.

Mrs Wong

There was significant build up for the boy.

The girl had gone to Sydney, had yelled him to go away, then was given a sudden reprieve told him that he would be allowed to stay.

She was coming back with mom and sis in tow and there was to be a dinner hosted for the overseas guests.

He remembers cooking up a storm of the now defunct herbal chicken and bringing it to their connect group. Only to find that the girl had not come (as she had planned to).

He went home that night and woke up early to go to the church service that he always missed in preference for more sleep (He usually went to the evening service see?).

He remembers she reached out to him as the strode past her in the service.

He smiled.

After the service he went to introduce himself to her mom and sister.

Hello Aunty, I'm K, a friend of your daughter's?

Mrs Wong gives the girl the most obvious look that could only have meant, "Oh, is this the one that you have been talking about?"

The boy struggled hard not to look astonished and not to notice the girl's very embarrassed nod of acknowledgment.

After the hellos and dropping her housemate and dad home the boy noticed Mrs Wong checking out German Bob as he drove away.

Whew... he thought, I sure am glad I settled down and sold the sports car... old German bob makes me look more proper he thought to himself...

~~~

He rushed to their friends' house where the big dinner was going to be held, with a car boot full of ingredients and kitchen toys.

He was hoping to share the kitchen with the Wongs and make a good impression with the girl's mom.

On arrival he found out that the girl and family would be cooking at home instead... he sighed and then proceeded to bake and bake and bake.

2 Banana cakes and a large tray of scones with banana spread... (the girl liked her bananas see?)

The boy doesn't remember much about the dinner except that the food was good, their friends were all there and he didn't dare say too much.

He seems to remember it going well enough though...

By Her agian - Oh something in June again

She forgot to mention this...something that she almost forgot.


Something that she thought about when it was in June, this was before his birthday.


He had a job offer in Melbourne. He was torn between going or staying, and he asked her.


She gave him a very neutral answer, go wherever God's called you.


She wasn't sure if he was dropping hint to her, 'so do you want me to stay or go...just ask me to stay and I will stay on in Adelaide...'


But of course he did not say this. This was just her imagination, and she did not want him to stay anyway...'Please don't tell me that you will stay for me...or I will run.'


She did not need to carry this invisible responsiblity.


Yet, deep down inside.....she hoped he would stay on for her. She really did.


Days later he said he'd decided to take the job in Melbourne and signed the contract.


Her heart sank a lil bit. Okay, so she drew the line. That's it. She was right, most men and him included, place their dreams on top of her. She was not important enough to make then/ him stay.


That's it. He was leaving anyway, why would she invest her emotions in vain?Of course not.


In her heart she had already said bye to him.

By Her - July, Sydney

So the story goes on ... dated back in July 08.


They were in the phase of getting to know each other. He had put in a lot a lot of effort to impress the girl, like feeding the powerbox with yummy cakes, like making scones for her, like cooking for her, like sending her sms-es, like dropping her emails, like insisting on sending her to work when her garage was blocked by her neighbour's car etc etc.


Inspite of all her effort to push him away, she actually didnt really want him to go away.


He said, ' I will defend you even against myself.'


He knew where he stood. He advanced when it was right , he stopped when he was not invited. He was very clever and sensitive.


She went to Sydney to visit her mom and sis. She kept telling them about him. Her sister said 'Someone has obviously fallen in love with this man....'


Oh really? Does she like him??? NOOOOOOO wayyy....!


She did not like this at all. The Phantom of the Opera was playing , sitting in the theatre, she could not enjoy the show at all...All she thought about was him. She did not like being out of control.


The 'voices' in her mind told her to get rid of this intruder.


The trip to Sydney did not end very well when some family issue arose...it was mainly about her mom being kinda against her belief in Christ. She felt compressed.


And he rang at a very wrong time, asking her to join him in prayer on the phone. She was like , ' I am not your girlfriend, we are not that close yet,I dun wanna give u the wrong impression that we are in a relationship by joining you in your prayer. Can't you pray by yourself....'


She was annoyed by the whole situation...he rang, and she ignored the multiple calls...she did that many times anyway.


He left her a long voicemail and a song . 'God is able' .
She smiled again. Silly man. His voice was amazing.


She wished she could save that voicemail for a long long long long time.


----


She came back to Adelaide with her mom and sis. Family issues were solved.


Her mom was very curious about this man that her daughter kept talking about. The mom finally met him at church, this man who stood quietly next to her. Her mom was very unsubtle about this, she gave her a very big sheepish smile, thumb's up , and kept nodding her head.
She was drooling over this potential future son-in-law.


She knew what her mom was thinking....' Go ahead! Go ahead! He seems like a good boy.'


Her mom came out with the lamest excuse to invite him to her house. Guess what she did...she invited him over to show her daughter how to operate the coffee machine that he passed on to her, before he relocated to Melbourne.


Her mom was never too excited about her daughter's relationships, but this time she was very positive about him.


How so? Is he really the one for her?


If he wasn't , why was her mom so supportive of him?

By Her - Yes, I will

Yes , I will. She said, on 4/11/08, 9 pm, Rundle Street.


How would she say no to the kneeling man with a ring in his hands? (Other than the fact that she was very embarrassed that this happened in the middle of the street. )


Life has been very different since he came in to the picture.


There is a feeling of peace that she never used to have in her heart.


He fell in love with this so called 'dark, deep and mysterious photographer' who was stubborn like a mule and cherished her freedom and space like a wild eagle; a ship which refused to drop her anchor for any harbour.


What he gets now is a simple, happy and content woman with a lil girl in her heart.


God was right ( well, He never makes any mistake anyway) when He whispered to her, 'He is wonderfully made by Me, he is a blessing from ME for you. Take it. '


She is happy. Not because óh finally she has a fiance', because she was never never desperate in the first place.


I think, she is happy now because she has seen and tasted the evident abundant blessings from God in her life, and him being one of the biggest blessings. Her God loves her and gives her the peace in her heart.


' This is the man I have prepared for you. Walk with him, My dear daughter. I Am delighted in you. '

By Her- Lets continue here

Lemme explain the way this blog works.


All the posts that he and she wrote in the last few months were about events and memories in retrospect , in a chronological sequence. They occured in the past, long before they got together.


Lets continue here....


----


In her last post, she told the story of the house inspection on his birthday in June, and their first meaningful conversation in the Chocolate Bean, and how she felt he was different....she thought, maybe it wasn't a bad idea to open her heart for this man...


And in his last post , he told the story of her trip to Sydney in July..and how unstable she was , how mean she was to him...


So, lets continue here...


----


This was still in June, before she went to Sydney.


She was probably the most unstable woman he's seen in his life. One moment she told him to stay for 5 more mins on the phone...another moment she was beyond his reach.


He was right, she didn't know what she wanted anyway.


She believed she had a huge calling in her life and she refused to be distracted. She believed singlehood was the only way to serve God and pursue dreams in life.


She believed he's a good man, but even then she turned him away. She was very mean to him, almost icy cold to him. She rejected most of his invitations. She answered his call when she felt like it.


In her prayer, she asked God to take him away.


But, how come there was this persistent small voice in her ear that told her ,' He is wonderfully made by Me, he's a blessing from Me to you. Take it. '


She didnt believe this was God's voice. 'Must be the devil trying to distract my attention. God, take him away...''


---


He was really nice to her, even to the point of compromising his own needs and emotions.


She needed a lot a lot a lot of personal space. Do not come near me unless I say so!


So he gave her the space. He often dropped by her house, left good stuff in the powerbox outside her house to surprise her. Yet he wouldn't ring or come in the house unless he was invited.


He told her, 'I will defend you even against myself.'


Silly but a smart man too.


She was impressed by his perseverance and wisdom to drawback or advance.


The whole world knew he liked her very much.


Yet, she would never give him any promise. She couldnt deliver it.


She must be the strangest girl he'd met.


--- To be continued---

Will you?

I've decided to fast forward this post and get it down whilst its still fresh.


Nov 4th 2008 - Melb Cup day.

It was an exciting day, yet at the same time mundane in some ways.

I had just been through so much, changing jobs in Melbourne, Moving to Adelaide and a number of job offers each with their own unique pitfalls and draws.

Amongst all this I had flown to Singapore to hunt for a shiny rock, taken a slow bus to KL to speak with her parents.

yes it had been a busy few weeks for me.

The girl had been through a series of changes too, going from hardcore surgeon to be into an ICU doctor (they're called Intensivists I'm told...) and of course the life compression change going from long dist bf to being just down the road.

God had been blessing me and us throughout the entire journey, but it was not without its bumps in the road.

The girl and I had been tiffing about houses and budgets for the nuptials, I being too risk adverse and long sighted whilst she being just a little bit too keen to own something.

Then there were of course, the usual overtures from our pasts that flited about, causing me to jump at shadows with swords drawn.

But we had gotten past those things with the mercy of the great God we serve and was this day happily shopping in Ikea for furniture together (Having given the girl free reign of the interior design of the new house in Ade)

I had been deviously spreading the misinformation for weeks that her ring was being custom made in Melbourne. And in the continuous be moaning of the long process of the contruction, had been buying time for the perfect moment.

However, it dawned on me earlier that morning that given her latest change in work timetables, my initial (and completely brilliant plan) to propose to her would not be going ahead.

Instead my mind had began to formulate a last minute ramp up to asking the question... Today. Afterall we had just discussed plans to go out for a nice dress up date tonight... why not? I asked myself.

These plans were just about shelved as the girl complained of exhaustion, tiredness and a headache as we strolled in ikea. But after an ikea hotdog disappeared down her gillet she smiled and the dinner date was suddenly revived.

After dropping her off to get changed I dashed home to prepare the ring(s).

A quick slice and dice of packing / acoustic foam to pad the ring boxes and I was ready to go.

The little one had dressed in her stunning blue plunge whilst i had donned my red candy striped shirt, walking hand in hand towards the belgium beer bar (heyy its sentimental eh?) we were a happy couple indeed.

Dinner came and went with the promise of hot chocolate at the birthplace of US just round the corner. And just as the little one excused her self to the loo at the end of the meal, I quickly pulled out old Harvard and Yale out of the decoy camera bag and donned our "first meeting" out fit.

She was still smiling as we walked across the corner... where I ditched the bag and dropped on one knee and pulled out the rock...

I think I was as stunned as she was.

Oh wow, I don't believe I"m doing this...

I think I heard myself say.

SW, I've waited all my life for you.
You complete me, and I would like to spend the rest of our lives together.
SW would you please marry me?

She was so stunned all she could do was nod and smile.

Like a moment in a dream I slipped the ring on her finger.

And so that is how this boy asked the question of a lifetime.

:)

Syd-ney

The days past somewhat quickly after that.

The boy was wrapping up things in Adelaide and the girl was busy saving lives.

Amongst all this the busy pair will found time to talk on line at nights, mostly on msn.

The boy would make up lame excuses to stay up, the girl would oblige with asking for just 5 mins more of his time.

This was all building up to a long planned trip to Sydney for the girl to see her visiting family.

The told himself he wasn't going to miss her, that he had plans of his own, life was to return to its happy equlibrium....

but miss her he did...

He got a text telling him he was precious. It made his whole day.

The girl had made plans to see the phantom of the opera, and he sang the first verse of the music of the night to her.

That made her smile.

Until it was after the musical.

The boy was having dinner with a friend.

When the girl rang up to tell him.

She was thinking about him all the time. And she didn't like it.

She felt compressed and stressed out.

She told him to leave her alone.

The boy went back to his dinner and order sake.

He spent the rest of the dinner drinking the warm brew trying to drown those stinging words.

~~~

The next morning he pulled himself into a conference room and called her.

her cheery voice picked up the phone Good morning!

Once again, like nothing had happened.

Look, I've been thinking about what you said last night, and I went through my conduct for the last weeks and really don' t think I've done anything wrong.

I've given you as much space as you need and wanted, I've done everything you've requested and more. I think you'll agree that's a fair statement?

The Girl mumbles an apology of sorts... and the conversation carries on for a little while.

The boy puts the phone down, wondering if he how many more times he would have to go through something like this.

~~~

That night the boy had gone night shopping and was driving home when the phone buzzed... a text was received.

The girl was compressed... there was family conflict in sydney and she was upset.

He pulled the car over and tried to call her.

She messaged him telling him to go away.

He left her a massage on her voice mail, singing to her that God was able.

He went home that night feeling like she had gone away to a far far place and was not going to be coming back.

The boy cried out to his God, pleading that the girl would return.

Once again, he felt that she had slipped away from him.

Maybe ...- by her

So, after the house inspection, after the birthday drink at chocolate bean, after the confession...

He came to her after his birthday dinner with his younger friends, and it was way past her bedtime. She was wearing her glasses and PJs.

She let him stay on . He was sitting on the blue gym ball in her room. She can't recall the content of their conversation. No, it wasn't really a conversation. More like a one sided babble from him.

He lost his train of thoughts. He said he couldn't talk straight anymore. And half the times he would not look at her at all.

She just smiled and nodded along with his babble... maybe he could tell how hard she was guarding herself. As usual, she let her friends talk, and she listens. Ocassionally she say something about herself.

But no. She would not let him in her world. Her world in her mindscape was a huuuugggeee secret garden with unreachable ends. And in there, was her and God. She guarded her secret garden with thick and tall walls.

She took pride in that secret garden that she built over the years. She didnt care if no one understand her world. Afterall, it was not meant to be understood.

He must not come in.

- - - - - -

The next day.

To buy or not to buy the house? It was indeed a very very difficult decision to make.

Having had no experience at all, she desperately needed honest and constructive opinions , and maybe some guidance. He seemed to be the best choice at that moment.

She went back and forth, dropped the idea and picked it up again. Not a paper work person herself, she found it extremely frustrating and intensely stressful having had to make hundreds of phone calls to the relevant authorities.

It was not an easy decision to make.

He was there. He said something as simple as 'pray' . She has always been the one giving advice and encouragement to the others. For the first time, this boy came in to the situation and reminded her the sovereignty of God.

' He is different..'

She finally decided to put in an offer for the house. She went to the agent's office, never expected to hear what she heard.

'Oh your friend Kevin has already rung and asked me to prepare this and that documents for you.'


She signed the documents. She's done her part, and trusted that God would open or close the door if He willing.

She came home, curled up like a ball in her favourite corner of the room, and began to cry.

No one has stepped out and done this for her. Not a man. She has been trained to be strong because she had to be strong, and she took pride in her strength and independence. Maybe the men in the past were intimidated by her for she never let anyone do anything for her.

For the very first time, she realised she was very tired of attempting to be both man and woman herself.

Maybe it is a good idea to have a man in her life...Maybe he is not like the rest..

Running hills - by him

Post birthday, post house.

They had had a ew late night chats, he had made her dinner, hosted (almost co-organized?) a gathering of their friends at his house and even made a batch of scones on super short notice to make her happy.

One morning she sms'ed him tell him he was precious.

it made his whole day.

Things it seemed was looking good for the boy and the girl...

until...

~~~

The girl had (has) a heater in her room, its one of those radiant bar heaters, it sits on carpet and there is a constant flow of jumpers thrown across the chair that sits close to it.

The boy was worried about it being a fire hazard, so he had sourced a ceremic heater for the girl.

In fact, he had sourced 2, worried that she would not like the design of any one of them.

He whisked past on a sunday morn, intending to just drop the new warmth makers off and head off.

The girl had just come back from a night shift and was about to tuck herself into bed when he arrived.

She invited him in and he sat on the blue ball and talked for 10, 20, 30, 60,90 mins.

Sometime in the conversation, the girl mentioned that it would be nice for him to meet her parents eventually, that he would surely get on well with her mom. And that there was a certain mentor she would have liked him to meet if he was to progress further with her.

*whoa... slow down lady* he remembers thinking, one night you're saying THIS is nothing and now you're talking about meeting the mom...?

If there was one thing he was afraid of and couldn't stand, it was a woman that gave out mixed signals....

And meeting mentors?...there was a whole legacy issue with him and being parading around and judged by a multitude of external parties before being accepted...

He remembers mentioning something along he lines of, "Hey, if there's one thing i really hate its being left in a room with people to judge and critique me before being excepted..."

conversation stumbled past that point and eventually the girl went to bed for her beauty sleep.

The boy left to join his friends for lunch.

an sms arrived just after he had ordered his meal... it chilled his heart.

It read simply,

Too fast.freaked out...sorry,vry blunt.

he made a poorly worded excuse, something about work, and ran from the restaurant to her house.

He remembers messaging back,

am running over now.

pls don't run.


She eventually answered the door, moving out to join the same lunch he had just left.
She acted like nothing had happened... it made the boy's heart hurt.

Silence walking to the restaurant,

finally she said,

Can we just go back to being friends? I really don't want a boyfriend now.

He was confused,

I thought that's what we were, just friends getting to know each other?

I don't want a girlfriend now either...

But what I do want, is to get to know you better. So I am going to ask again.

Could I please make trips back to spend time with you to get to know you better?

a long elongated silence.

yes, i would like you to still.

I'm sorry, I guess i'm just tired.

can we forget that this episode happened and just go back to the plan?

he left her to have lunch with their friends and went off to think.

Sitting at the corner of his favourite pub, he was nursing his heart and confused mind.

"Just walk away man! She unstable and will hurt you." he thought, "One moment you're precious and the next you're dirt!"

He took a long swallow of his beer and pulled out a note book.
Angry and hurt, he wrote a letter.

it was supposed to say,

" Look, you're wonderful, but I've been hurt before and frankly you're just a little too unstable for me to feel safe. thanks but no thanks."

Except that when he had finished the letter, all it said was,

"Look, you're afraid and I'm afraid, but all we're doing is getting to know each other.
Relax, lets take things slowly and just go with the flow (or something to that effect)"

~~~

He showed her the letter,

she read it, and nodded her head.

He wasn't sure how she felt,

but he walked away believing once again, that this girl, this girl he could never have.

~~~

Burning bridges - by him

He went home from the night of tired but elated, surprised but unsure what had just happened.

"Nothing has happened..." she had reminded him in an almost stern tone.

Hadn't it?... he thought, just a little more than a bit confused.

Oh well... there's a small chance where before there was none, he told himself as he set aside a somewhat large amount of resources in his head for the monthly flights back.

Ironically, it was just about the amount of the pay increase he had fought for in the new job.

Money is meant to be spent, told the boy to himself as he penned the secret budget in his head.

Then the phone buzzed... announcing the arrival of an sms,


Hey, happy belated b'day.
Still on for dinner tomorrow night?

!!! He had completely forgotten he had made dinner plans with Jata...

the boy pondered for a good 5 seconds and then made an important decision, then turning off the lights he tried to catch some sleep.

~~~

The dinner was good, the company and conversation decent.

He had delayed it as long as he could... he just wasn't very good at some things... most things.

So, about the whole "us" and getting to know each other thing... he started (or something along those lines)

Conversation limped across for the rest of the night, each party lying about how it was better this way and the friendship would still be maintained.

He remembers turning back on the smoking bridge and walking back to his car, knowing deep down he had done the right thing.

~~~

Chocolate bean - by her

So it was a wonderful evening spent with him at the chocolate place.

He told her a story of a princess, a jester knight, and the Sun. She remembers she was engrossed in the story and his beautiful English accent. Suddenly he was a different person. The man who was somewhat cold to her,who wore a beanie and hoodie, who told her a story, who spoke in a foreign accent, became alive and attractive.

It was to his (and her) surprise that she confessed to him about her admiration.

But deep down inside she wasn't very sure if she did the right thing. Áfter all, she was not keen to go into a relationship, she had been by herself for quite some time.

She came out of a relationship 18 months ago, and now she enjoyed her singlehood very much. Life was good. Just her and herself, and God, and her career, her friends, her hobby, her freedom....no, she didnt want a boyfriend.

But yes, she wanted to let him know what she felt. It was kinda fun to watch his reaction.

She let herself indulge in the secret pleasure she found in his pursuit.

Boys came and left, and she didn't have the faith that he would do it differently.

' Silly boy, let's see how long you will stay ,' she thought.

But her secret pleasure quickly turn into guilt.

' What if he gets hurt at the end? What if he takes it too seriously?' Afterall, she didnt really want to have anything to do with him.

'Ermmm...I know I just told you about my feelings for you. But ...please don't misunderstand me, I don't want a relationship at all, and we are just friends. Nothing has happened, k?',
as though her behaviour was justified by popping his bubble.

That was a long but beautiful night. They stayed on, 7pm, 730pm,8pm,815pm...

Due Diligence

For days after that faithful birth day, I remember floating on cloud nine.

But there was work to be done...

The girl was interested in the little apartment and was busy at work saving lives.

In my sunset days at the shipbuilder, I was more than happy to organize things for her.

I put my Project manager's hat on and did all the standard stuff, ringing the agents, preparing the paper work and ensuring that Dr. Girl wouldn't need to be too distracted from her work.

It was also, a perfect excuse to keep in constant and regular contact with her... allowing me to drop in to "discuss the house" and have long chats.

A day later and Dr Girl was readying for a a night shift, she had done all the ground work and much to my surprise had launched an offer in.

Pray! I remember telling her, not knowing what else to say after having given my best advise that she should let this house go and wait for a better time.

I remember being so proud of her and so proud to have been part of that process.

I remember asking her if she'd let me fly over to help her paint the house, to help pick out tiles and a new kitchen.

I think she said yes.

I remember putting the phone down on that call, and then walking over to organize contractors with a colleague in the know, all the while picturing a boy and a girl painting a house together and smiling as they did. :)

Single bullet? - by her

After the cooling period, after the dinner at friend's place , after hearing her stories.... they resumed regular contact....there was still a noticeable distance between them.

It was his birthday...

She knew it was his birthday. And it was also her off day. But she went for a movie with her buddy, because she wasn't really really keen to drop him any hint at all. So she was still rather cold towards him.

But he was still very kind to her. On his birthday, he went with her to inspect a house that she would potentially buy.

As she drove closer to the house at the appointed time, she saw a man wearing a hoodie jumper and a very nice beanie, slowly wandering around the neighbourhood.

It was him.

He looked very different in his jumper and beanie. He looked great.

For the first time.....her heart was jumping. She suddenly became a lil nervous.

... why?.....


So....the house. It was great. A tiny 2 bedroom unit in a prestigous area. She realised he was the one who did all the talking and enquiry to the agent... whereas she was curious and excited like a kid, touching each corner, imagining herself live in there.

She was impressed with how much he knew.

' So... it's your birthday, and I feel kinda bad for making you do this on your birthday....would you like a drink before your dinner?'

She made invitation for the first time.

---

It was a very nice lil chocolate place in town.

He told her one story...followed by another story. She was engrossed by the stories.

'Did you make these stories?' , she asked.

'The first one no, the second one yes,' he said.

No one has ever told her stories in her adulthood. She has not known of anyone who writes stories...

- - - -

Then he finished his stories.... (he looked great in his beanie and jumper...for the first time she studied his face, she realised he'd had great features...)

....silence....


'I am very glad that you like and you understand my stories...you get me. To be honest I feel that we are connected in someway...and I am attracted to you...but I've never told you about it.'

(These might not be the exact words that he used but he meant it this way)


' Why not?' she asked. The exact words.

He was stunned by her response.

'...erm...because I've always thought it was just on my side...so...did you mean, there's also something on the other side of the fence?'

She heard herself saying, ' I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to you. '

His eyes were wide open, he dropped his jaw, he took a deep breath, he was speechless, he was smiling.......

Our first real conversation.

She answered the door in her trackie daks (track pants for you uninitiated) with the red and blue lines running along the sides.

She was wearing glasses and I smiled, for I had never seen her in glasses... she was beautiful, stunningly cute and I was amazingly attracted.

I sat on a big blue ball watching the pretty little girl curl up in her ikea chair,

I don't remember much of what I said... but I remember going on and on, about how amazing she was, how great her photos were. How women like her didn't like men like me, I babbled, repeatedly saying Hey, its late, I think I should go. and she would simply say, its ok, stay for just a little bit longer... and my resolve would melt.

I sat on the blue ball for hours... just yammering on and on about her and how great I thought she was...whilst this was going on she just sat on that chair and smiled that little tilted smile.

I remember her interjecting somewhere in the conversation that she had been hurt badly before and that THIS was nothing... that we were just friends and it would be good to get to know each other more...

I took quiet note of her tone when she said that and just kept talking about her and how I was drawn.

Finally it was time to go...

And i found myself asking a very bold question.

hey, if its ok with you, I'd like to fly back every month just to spend time with you, to get to know you better.

I was expecting the "oh no, we're just friends... pls don't do anything like that for me"

but all she did was smile and say,

I would like that very much.

:)

One single bullet...

There were a few other stories in between this one and the last.

Indeed neither of us can accurately place the time line anymore.

There was an evning when I had made wayyy too much pandan chicken and had prepared a pack for the dr. girl to pick up. Tired from work and cooking I had literally meant "drop by and pick up" to my surprise she turned up with an outspoken friend and proceeded to stay for the better part of an hour combing through my belongings and questioning bits and pieces of me decor...

Highlight of the evening was when I started to explain how she should prepare the dish.

So you lay all the pieces out and bake them for about 20 mins on 180 degrees. Alternatively you can pan fry them...

Oh don't worry about all that she replied, I'll just microwave them... I cook all my food in the microwave.

stunned silence from the boy...

There's another story, on how the girl got sick again, and this time the boy sent over ginger, coke & more chinese herbal teas. I think she appreciated that.

Or even the time, when the boy first glimsped her dark and fragmented past and felt his heart bleed for her. The beginnings of an open wound that still aches this very moment and flares up in a dark seething rage if he thinks too hard.

No, there's a bunch of smaller stories which we can't really place but are so precious to us.

But this one, this one is one of our milestones.

This one I call one single bullet.
~
One Single Bullet

~~~

It was my birthday and I had taken the day off, in fact, i was coming off a long weekend already

(
it was the mummy adelaide inspection which brought with it hints of its own...

That Dr girl was nice hmm?
Yes mom...
That Dr girl seemed really nice, you should be nice to her.
Yes mom... o_O'''
)

Regardless of which, it was my birthday. The Dr girl and I had briefly spoken on the possibility of seeing a movie that morning. Not being a morning person I told her we'd play by ear and left it at that. She had made an appointment with me later that afternoon to help view a little place in St. Peters a few days earlier (not knowing it was my b'day when she made the appiontment) so I was quite content to let things drift.

I had planned for a massage, a movie myself, some shopping, a nice dinner with my younger friends and then home for a quiet wine and another solitary salute to another year gone by.

I rang her about 10amish, wondering if she was still keen on that movie

Hey, I actually made plans to see it with a friend... maybe next time?

"Whatever... I told myself" this was probably the 3rd time I had heard "next time" regarding a movie so I wasn't too fussed, at the back of my head weighing in the largish possiblity that she was on a date anyway.

So I pulled on my shiny new b'day presents (Havard hoodie and Yale beanie!) went to have a meat filled lunch and decided to catch that movie (mongol, the gengis khan saga!) myself anyway.

The afternoon flitted away and it was almost time for house viewing, as standard procedure for viewing houses, I got there 10 mins early to suss the place out. Walk around the neighbourhood and evaluate the structure.

She found me as I was crossing the street, I waved as she drove past in the purple monster.
"Oh well," I told myself, "at least she had the decency not to turn up with the wanker she saw the movie with."

We went into the house, and I put my bestest PM hat on. Giving her my evaluation of the house and its surrounds. I remember asking the agent for the Form 1's (section 32's for you victorians) and being surprised how english I sounded and how authoritative a tone I took.

She thanked me for my help and then apologised realizing it was my b'day. Let me buy you a cup of coffee to make up for it? she said.

Sure why not? I had time to burn before my dinner, I suppose I could do another interviewesk conversation...

I remember suggesting the chocolate shop in the alley and she needing directions there.

I remember being stiff and cold inside, not being sure what to make of this (surely) my last solo conversation with her.

The drinks arrived and I remember a friend's voice telling me "Surely if you told her your stories, she would notice you.".

"Would you like to hear a story?", I heard myself mumble. Sure.

I was staring at the floor, not looking at her pretty face. I was struggling to remember a single story, any one would do.

My mind was flexing in her presence and coming up empty... nothing was coming up. The moments were slipping by and she was growing impatient.

"Once there was a young soldier..." I began, this story I spun out of my life, this story called "Triage"

It was a painful one and one I had never told, It spoke of the guilt of a young commander, and part of what weighed on his heart from those days. I'm surprised I told it.

I remember not making eye contact throughout the story. And then looking up to find that she was captivated.

Was it a true story then? she enquired with somewhat awe in her voice. I think i remember nodding.

I had lapsed into silence again, pondering the possiblity that she actaully did enjoy the tale.

So I spun another one,
"Are you a sun or a moon person" Sun ... i'm solar powered! she replied with a smile. So I told a tale spun from something older in my mind, of a princess who sought the sun and the kindly boy who finally gave it to her. I told it as a concept more than a tale. That would come later.

At the end of the 2nd story I could tell she was truely pleased with my performance, and a joy filled my heart.

Looking back on the floor again a little voice inside my head shouted its now or never boy, speak and never ask "what if..." and so I did.

"So, I guess you would probably have guessed that I am attracted to you, I guess I'm not a subtle man... I guess I never opened up my mouth because I believe with somethings in life, you only get one chance, one single bullet. And I guess with me leaving and all, it would be a somewhat wasted shot no?"

Well, you are right, I have known for sometime, as you have said, you are not a subtle man...

The next few lines of conversation are lost to me, but I remember that we did try to go back to "normal" conversational topics, as limber as a drunken sloth with a broken knee did that transition go.

In my mind the little voice probed once more "Just ask, one more time, I have to know..."
Opening my mouth in what seems slow motion I asked "Hey, so you now know that I'm attracted to you, but I was just wondering... if there was anything on the otherside of the fence?"

*close mouth*
*breathe... just breathe*
*wait for reply*

She wasn't making eye contact now either, just like me she had found a particularly interesting spot on the ground and was studying it for the answer to the meaning of life.

My heart and mind readied it self for the standard answer... You're very nice, but I'm not looking for anything... I see you only as a friend... I'm called for missions... etc ete etc...

and then she said

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't... couldn't you tell?

Ahh... that's when she blew me away. My mind unhinged and my wall cracked, I was like Wahh?...WOW!!!

This moment begins, my pursuit of her heart.

This was the first milestone.

post cooling off period- by her

But even while he was cooling off , he was still very kind to her.





A family in her connect group was leaving for Canada for good. The evening before their departure she went over to their house to say goodbye. For some reason he was there too.





Over the dinner she shared with her friends about her past, her dark past before she met Jesus. She told them how messed up her life was and how morbid she was. She told them about her suicidal attempts.



The past doesn't affect her anymore, she was telling her story as though it was someone else's.



But I think that night he was drawn to her again, after the period of cooling off. He thought her life had always been smooth , she must be a preacher's daughter who grew up in church, who had never broken any rules.....



I think he was drawn to her, not for her dark past, but for the transformation that he saw in her now.



He saw the scars on her wrist. He also saw the scars in her heart (figuratively, God has certainly healed her heart) . It made him wanna get to know this girl.



He said his mind was filled with colours. He must write it down on his blog.



She shrugged her shoulders again and put up her usual happy smile. ' It's ok, don't feel sorry for my past. God has saved me. '


She didnt need anyone to sympathise her for her past....she was a proud girl.

Cooling off aka Distractions - By Him

It seemed that you cooled off for a bit... she would tell him weeks later as she lay in his arms.

Perhaps he did.

~

It was about that time of the re-invigoration of the purple monster's audio system that another girl surfaced in the boy's life.

He was a solitary lad living in a foriegn city, new friends at this age are hard to make you understand?

Anyhow, a new friend came to be and there was a goodly kind of connection, not romantic, just a couple of people that like to have a yak and appreciated the finer things in life, like nice restaurants and wine with good conversation.

Happy to have another dining companion, 'Jata (as we'll call her) rose quickly in the ranks of friends in the city of churches.

Fully discouraged by the lack of response (ooo the icy cold shoulder!) from the Dr Girl (as she was known in this season), the boy began to draw closer to 'Jata.

In hindsight, it was to him at the time, a source of good company and conversation that he enjoyed with 'Jata. Of course there was a mild attraction that was being fostered, but 'Jata soon blew that out of the water.

Twas a late night coffee when the boy was going on a soliquey of sorts, slipping in his playful jest of wink wink nudge nudge, he was testing the borders of his attractiveness to his audience.

Of course this was responded by a full blown, "oh hey, so i think you're attractive too, in fact, i like you"

Taken aback by this the boy quickly moves to stem the flow and control the situation

Oh wow, that' s really flattering, I find you attractive too but we hardly know each other, lets just chill out and take things slowly and be good friends first eh?

or something to that effect was heard coming from his mouth.

So as the Dr Girl was busily building walls and rather successfully pushing the boy away. Another had swooped in and made her move.

The boy was flattered and in truth did think seriously on the matter, in fact, as most of their friends would observe, he was indeed getting closer to 'Jata (post the above conversation).

Dr Girl's friend would comment later, See? I warned you about him, he's just another one of them... see him move on to the next target so quickly...

(In my defense, I was pushed away on one side, and invited into the other... You can't blame me for exploring can you? anyhow, i'll redeem myself, just stave your judgement for a bit hmmm?)

Like the Dr Girl, the boy had been hurt deeply before, had told himself that love existed, just not for him. So numb was it in his stoney heart that he couldn't even define what love was anymore. The memories of such long having faded and died years and years ago.

So, as the boy got closer to 'Jata, in hindsight he realises that he was once again, setting up a small town outside the walls of his heart to accomodate the potential relationship that might come up.

Deep inside, he remembers looking at Dr Girl's blog and photos, wondering what could have been, before quickly shelving thoughts of such away with bold words such as beggers can't be choosers.

Yet, everytime Dr Girl jumped online for brief moments in those days and they chatted, he would walk away smiling in his heart yet frowning on his brow.

If only she liked me... whispered the poet in his mindscape
beggers can't be choosers, would counter the logical portion of his mind.

He remembers a quick conversation with a well wisher from home that had called after he just had a dinner with 'Jata.

Any nice girls in Adelaide?

Funny you should mention, I met the most amazing photographer, I haven't been this attracted in years.

Oh wow, so what's happening with that?

Nothing, i think there's nothing on her side

Oh well, nothing you can do about it eh?

no i guess not... funny i didn't even mention bout the dinner i just had either...

~

I guess I was still captivated, even as another worked to build something with me, I just couldn't tear my eyes away...

bad conversationist? - by her

After the breakfast he asked her to join him for a walk around the parklands.

She was silent most of the time and he had to keep digging for words out of her mouth. The fact was she had no sleep for 36 hours. And ...she was not supposed to show any emotions or excitement to him. She must not be interested in him.

He asked about her past relationships.

She gave short answers.

She told her that the last relationship didnt work out because she was called to be a missionary, and God told them to break the relationship. She said she wasn't interested to have any man in her life.

Silence. Long pause. Awkwardness.

She got a lil uneasy about the silence. She's generally a chatty person. But why did she lose her words when she was around him?

A bad conversationist? Her?

She doesn't recall it now but according to him, she abruptly stopped the conversation, 'Excuse me, I wanna take some photos of the playground,' she went off with her camera and a quiet sigh of relief in her...


---


As days went by, she realised he wasn't as keen on her anymore although they still talked online, and occasionally with text msgs. But ...it became a lil different.

She felt he'd held back.

It's ok, let it be, she was content to be in her own world anyway. No one should come in .

She thought, maybe he was just like all the others who had come after her. Some went away after a few attempts, some stayed around for a while, but eventually they all left. Maybe he was one of them.


She still went to his blog daily. Somehow, deep deep deep deep down in her heart, there was a very faint voice ,almost unnoticeable, that told her, ' This man is different.'

by her

www.siewwai.zenfolio.com

He liked my photos

He asked for an original ...

He named it 'To Infinity and Beyond'

My CD player doesn't work - By Him

I remember being excited to hear that doctor girl was coming to that breakfast.

I was attracted and curious and had been snooping around the grapevine for information on her.

My sources told me that she was single but unavailable. And there was a strangely neutral breakup with the ex about a year ago.

I turned up late due to a mix up of directions (i'm so not a morning person btw)
and the morning fog in my head.

As she has mentioned, our friends left earlier for another appointment.

I remember asking if she wanted to go for a walk.

I don't remember the details but I do clearly recall the ensuing conversation was terrible, like an interview of sorts.

Then midway through she ended the conversation and went off taking photos.

I remember watching her get lost in her photography, a mix of irritation and captivation.

I also remembered a promise I had made, to fix her dead car stereo for her.

~

We swapped cars and she went home to sleep.

I pulled the purple monster (as her car is known) apart and fixed lots of things.

I went back the the shop 3 times to get more parts to fix more things in the car...

Hours later the work was done.

I remember her driving off to work without much of a thank you... in fact I think I felt bad for disrupting her day...

erg...

~

Days later, she thanked him on an online conversation.

He bravely asked for a small favor in return.

He's so sure she was thinking he'd ask her out.

I'm sure she was surprised that he asked her for one of her photos.

I think that was a key moment for him :)

To infinity and beyond

'That will not make you smile' - by Her

She is very certain that he was already attracted to her even back then, regardless of what he says now.





Anyway....





So he went back to Melbourne over the long weekend.


Her phone rang. On the other end was his deep voice telling her he needed to vent out his frustration. She listened to his rant patiently. She is good at that, friends turn to her because she is a good listener. But she hardly talked about herself , not especially to him.


He asked, ' Do you like shiny things?'


She knew what was going on. Herbal tea whilst she was sick, banana cakes, phone call from Melbourne, and, shiny things.

' Girl, remember what happened in the past? Don't jump to it ,' her voice reminded herself.

---


The following week she went to a breakfast appointment with her cell group leaders, straight after a long night shift.

She was told he would be there too.

Why was her heart fluttering at the thought of his attendance?

It was almost 30 minutes after the proposed meeting time. He wasnt there so they started the breakfast without him. She didn't dare to ask her friends if he was still coming. 45 min. 50 min. 1 hour. He wasnt there. Her heart sank a lil bit.


Her friend's mobile rang. The silly boy went to the wrong cafe. But but but... he insisted on coming, even though he was 1 hr late.


She saw him walking into the cafe from the corner of her eye. She was busy talking and eating. But she noticed him.


'Hi!...' almost tonelessly, she hid her slight excitement behind her tired face.


Their friends left after the breakfast. They hung around a lil bit more. He pointed at the photos on the walls, and asked if she had thought of selling/displaying her photos in public.


No one has paid so much attention to her photographs.


She told him about selling her photos to magazines/calender publishers, or even furniture shops.


He listened to her crazy ideas , paused, and said, 'No, I don't think that will make you smile.'


She might forget how she started to notice him. But she will always remember what he said that morning.


No, I don't think that will make you smile.


She had underestimated his depth.

The boy wins 5 kao!

Dear readers, pls note the time stamps on the 2 previous posts.

That is all I will say :)

on another note of similar hilarity.

The girl had been telling people that HE had began to pursue her heart with banana cakes.

Whilst this man will freely admit that the way to his princess's heart has been via her stomach and yes banana cakes.

The very first banana cake was baked on the 17th of May, of our friend Teddy bear's birthday.

http://www.edgechurch.com/events/calendar.asp?curMonth=5

pls note the link above which will highlight the actual day of the Tuscany conversation.

Of which the fallout resulted in a 2nd cake of a far more deliberate nature on the 18th.


Yes I think i shall buy myself something nice with my 5 kao... something very nice indeed.

Tuscany - by Her

Tuscany? She has never heard any other guys talked about Tuscany. She knows Tuscany. A place in Italy. Beautiful, saturated with colours and arts. One day, she will set her feet in Tuscany. But how did he also know about Tuscany?

He sounds like an interesting guy with an artsy taste. 'What does he write about on his blog? '

....

His writing was fragmented, but she seemed to understand what he was telling. She saw a different him in between those lines, somehow she had a vague feeling that the writer had never shown this side of him to the world. She caught glimpses of his true self behind the beautiful words.

From then on she became a regular visitor of his blog.

And he became a regular on her photography website. ' What does he think about my photos?' she often wondered.

....

His cooking is rather impressive. The dinner table at each connect group became more interesting as a result of his regular attendance.

And he bakes.

Banana cakes. She once said she liked banana cakes. Then for some unknown reasons he started bringing home baked banana cakes to the connect group. But she wasn't there when he brought one for the first time.

The next day everyone told her that he made the banana cake for her. She shrugged her shoulders and said , ' maybe next time.'

He found out that she was sick. He left a message on her mobile, telling her that he'd left something at her door step.

Oh, chinese herbal tea bags.... And a note: Just because doctors fall sick too... I've kept 1/2 of a banana cake for u, but it didn't survive the trip as I became too hungry on my way here hehe...

She smiled. ' Another suitor,' she thought.

The next night - By Him

The doctor girl was sick,

she had the sniffles and she had looked on the brink of exhaustion the night before.

He remembers a time when he lived alone with a job that took up all of his waking moments.

So he bought a packet of chinese medicine and tied it to her front door.

Not a gesture of courtship.

Just something to make a sick doctor girl better.

She never did get around to drink the stuff.

He found it unopened in her pantry months later.

Oh well.

Its the thought that counts no?

~~~

First blood - by him

His church in Melbourne organized a big men's conference every year called Redline.

It was a big event and he had prebought his tickets the year before.

His favorite preacher was coming! Tony Campolo!


But then this year when the conference rolled up, he found himself in Adelaide.

Then by a turn of fate (aka God's will), the other half of the conference was dropping in Adelaide to speak for a single night. Paul Scanlon from the UK was in town.

His heart rose, Half of redline came to me! he told his family.

The event was at 7, he randomly called the photographer girl at 6.

He can't even remember why, but he asked if she needed a ride and she said yes.

It was a very quiet ride on the way there.

Just quiet chit chat.

The sermon was good, twas about miracles being about life transformation as well as blind eyes seeing and lame people walking.

On the way back home. He remembers babbling, babbling about colours, about the land of the tomorrow trip, of magical Tuscany.

He remembers that she got it (she doesn't really remember this part)

Truth was he babbled too much, he'd never talked about Tuscany before. It had slipped out in his tiredness but she totally got it.

That was the first hook, the beginnings of that tiny smile.

:edit:
Here's a flash back
Land of the Tomorrow Trip

- By Her

One day a preacher visited the church, and he offered to pick her up... Lets go together.

ok, she wasn't feeling very well, couldnt be bothered to drive.

Then they had their first real conversation. He told her about his imagery and the colours in his mind. He told her about his writing, his dream to be a journalist...

Colours and writing?....an interesting boy,' she whispered to herself.

How does she see the world? She paints beautiful mental pictures and make clips and slide shows in her own mind, but he paints colours in his....she's started to pay a bit more attention to this interesting man.

What does his blog look like? How does he write?.... she was curious about him.